When the legs go wrong
*Warning - swear word (there will be more, it's going to be that kind of blog)
This year it's ten years since I became an amputee. A decade! You will probably get bored of me barking on about this over the next few months but it feels like a really big moment.
Over the past ten years I've not stopped. I was at uni when I got meningitis and went back nine months later, got my degree, went on to do an MA and then just worked, worked, worked. Lived in three cities, travelled to ten different countries, and worked in even more jobs.
And through this time I've had problems with my body that I've just pushed to the back of my mind. Tight shoulders from too much editing and filming, tight hamstrings from the way I'm walking, creeping in scoliosis, and the worst of these sores on my legs that I've known were getting worse but haven't taken the real time to get better.
The skin of my legs is so fragile and scarred from the necrotic tissue septicaemia brings that it can split really easily. This isn't great when you walk on prosthetics and use silicone liners that cause sweating that then will not subside.
Recently I've been struggling more than ever. I've rubbed and cut my legs, through overwork and the boiling hot weather we've had in the UK as well as 34 degrees in LA and four days hustling through 100,000 people in a conference centre.
My career is going better than ever, I'm working for an amazing BBC programme and getting to travel loads and getting so much experience, especially reporting which I've always wanted to do more of.
It seems like two forces are clashing heads at the moment. For the first time I feel like I need to scale back, truly and properly. But that is going to be really fucking hard for me and I don't know what it means at the moment. Maybe more writing, more sitting on my arse working essentially. Sounds like a dream, but obviously the pressures of that are pretty scary.
Hopefully it will get better and more manageable when the autumn comes!
For the first time in my life I'm wishing away the summer.